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Today, I got ejaculated on like a two-cent whore. By an egg.
You see, there was no food in my house this morning, so I decided to make muffins with a bag of muffin mix that I had found in the back of the pantry. Everything was going fine until I pulled the eggs out of the refridgerator. I pulled an egg out of the carton and hit it against the side of the mixing bowl and SPLASH! A big, ginormous stream of egg white came flying at me and landed on my shirt.
Now I understand why people wear aprons…they’re like the condoms of the baking world!
Maryland hasn’t seen a hurricane in forever. And by forever, I mean a few years. The last time that I can remember any hoopla about a storm was in sixth grade when schools were closed for two days in anticipation of Hurricane Isabel, which turned out to be a glorified thunderstorm this far inland. That freaky pseudo-tornado thing that we saw last month did tons more damage than Isabel did to Columbia. Okay, so Baltimore was flooded up to Pratt St. but that’s about all that happened here. No fun.
Now, I’m not asking for another Andrew or Katrina, but we’re overdue for a pretty intense storm. Like the kind where you sit inside and listen to the torrential rain for two days and you lose power for an hour or two and the extent of the damage is a few downed trees and some lawn furniture getting blown around, nothing more. No death or millions of dollars in damage, just some high winds and heavy rain.
And I know that by posting this, I’ll be guaranteeing that a Category 6 (yes, 6) storm is gonna slam into Baltimore this year. I have horrible Jeff Lewis karma, remeber?
I went running today and I something happened that I haven’t seen in a long time. I had that amazing post-workout glow that I so rarely experience. I feel bad because I haven’t been exercising nearly as much this summer as I was last year. With my operation at the beginning of the summer and then extremely crazy/stressful/fun work for three weeks, I kind of fell out of the groove that I had begun to establish in the spring.
But not anymore. I bought new running shoes this morning because my old ones were killing my feet. Just a refresh of the Asics Kayano gel running shoes in a new color (blue!) and size (12 double-E). Even just walking around in them felt much better. I can’t wait to try them out tomorrow morning.
I don’t know what it is about jogging that I prefer over other types of exercise. Maybe it’s because I don’t have to deal with other people and I can work at my own pace and on my own schedule. Or maybe it’s the feeling of satisfaction with which I am overcome when I collapse onto my bed after almost pushing myself to nausea and heat stroke. I’m not sure, but whatever it is, I love it.
But not enough to post a pic of myself in my post-workout radiance. I’m not that modest.
I’m leaving for (rural) Pennsylvania for the weekend tomorrow morning.
I will most likely not have access to the internet. Or electricity.
But I WILL have cell service. So call and/or text me out the wazoo.
See you Sunday night!
Last night, I had a dream. [/rent reference]
I had a crazy teacher who was vaguely reminiscent of my drama teacher, except more scary and evil and sadistic (if that’s possible). One day during school, she went crazy and something freaky happened (I don’t really remember). Long story short, she ended up killing her kid or something horrible. Since she was mentally insane, she decided to carry around an old, rotting melon in place of her kid. Or something. Like I said, it was really freaky and I don’t even remember the backstory.
So anyway, CNN randomly wanted to interview me about it so they flew me to New York. I got to the CNN building (which apparently moved to the waterfront) and nobody knew where I was supposed to go. I had to walk all the way around the building and then we found out that Anderson/Andy (lol) was going to interview me and I became ecstatic. Except that we could never find him. And I never got to ask him what Kathy Griffin was like. Twas sad.
Wow, I suck at retelling dreams.
I admit it, I should have cleared my bed off before I took that pic. When I got home last night, I dumped my bag out all over my bed because I couldn’t find something. So here’s what I keep in my bag on a daily basis:
- FAKE HICKEYS They were going to be part of a cruel joke on behalf of Briana and myself, but it didn’t work out.
- SCRIPTS All 15159798 papers that I need for this show.
- BIG-ASS PENCIL A huge pencil that (actually!) writes. Found at Five Below.
- CRISTA THE PIG The mascot of light and sound designers everywhere…well, actually just me.
- GUM x2 Top: Orbitz sweet mint. Bottom: pina colada-flavored from somewhere.
- PEN Used to write.
- MORE PAPER Written on with said pen.
- BLANK TAG LABEL THINGIES Used to tag and label thingies.
- IDK? Your mother.
- BAG OF PAPERCLIPS Paperclips and binder clips from the amazing Staples paperclip/binder clip/pushpin buffet.
- GREEN SEQUIN CAMP CRAFT PROJECT I “borrowed” some leftover fabric from our wonderful costume designer to make this wonderful erm…handbag? I think that’s what it is. I’m going to auction it off to raise money for myself charity.
After nearly two years of sleeping on the floor, this prince has returned to his rightful sleeping conditions. Yes, I have a bed again!
My parents and I went to Ikea today to look for some furniture and we stumbled upon the bed that I had been sleeping on before “the incident” almost two years ago. So now, a brand new DALSELV bed from Ikea has been erected in my bedroom in my honor.
My tens of readers can now rest easy knowing that I have a bed again. [/bad pun]
Courtesy lunchtime with the demons.
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