Lizzie is mad at me because I said in my last entry that “I had to apolgize before I signed off.”
I was also fighting with Briana and Lizzie. I asked Briana if Lizzie liked me (just out of curiosity), and I will admit that it didn’t come across as I would have liked it to, but she told Lizzie what I said and then Lizzie thought that I was disrespecting her and that I didn’t know the meaning of friendship and stuff. Typical teenage drama. After about an hour of fighting I had to go so I apolgized, but I don’t know if we’re cool yet.
Today was….annoying to say the least.
Courtney is mad at me again. Looks like our friendships are over for good. I told her one more mess up and we’re done. I guess we’re done. I just don’t get how you can get all pissed at somebody when they were talking in a group and something leaked out of the group that you didn’t even say could leak out of the group. Usually, if you want something to be kept secret, you SAY SO. And then you don’t get mad at somebody if they didn’t know it was supposed to come out. Come on….would you pull that crap with a net?
I was also fighting with Briana and Lizzie. I asked Briana if Lizzie liked me (just out of curiosity), and I will admit that it didn’t come across as I would have liked it to, but she told Lizzie what I said and then Lizzie thought that I was disrespecting her and that I didn’t know the meaning of friendship and stuff. Typical teenage drama. After about an hour of fighting I had to go so I apolgized….but I don’t know if we’re cool yet.
We got out TYA Cast Lists emailed to us last night. Guess who I got…..drumroll please…..Danny Zuko. Woohoo. Yay me. I’m also Coach Clemens…ironic. Tyler is Sandy. First time in 7 years that we’ve starred together. Long overdue… Our next rehersal is Saturday. I don’t want to face Briana.
My relationship search has, so far, yielded no results. There’s nobody at Mayfield that I feel something for. Well, there is one. But I don’t have a chance with her. I’m not going to do the whole different-school-relationship again. Too much of a hassle. Even my own friends are becoming annoying. Steven decided to walk around and piss me off today in English when we had to do that retarded research thing. Some other people were also being plain dicks annoyances today, also.
Mr. Brown was a drama queen today and changed our seats. He followed up his lecture with his new “procedures” about behavior and discipline and all this other crap that I wasn’t listening to. Grow some balls, por favor. Miss Larouere was also annoying. She was handing out candy and freakin skipped our table TWICE. She claims that she’s 25 (*Cough*Bull*Cough), but her eyesight must be at the level of a person in their early two-hundreds to skip us TWICE.
In English today, Delonte farted really loud. I think Christian thought it was me. It wasn’t. It was really gross. Somebody come save me from this hellhole I call life.
Well, Briana and I are best friends again, and I mean BEST friends. I still might have a “thing” for her, but at least we’re back to normal. We’re back to talking about things we used to talk about before our relationship. It’s strangely…..fun. Somewhat akward, but fun.
Now the question is, what do single people do? Briana said that they flirt, but there has to be more to being single than flirting.
eHow is my latest guide to life. Here’s how they say to flirt:
1. Use flirting that is appropriate for the setting. Too much playing around in a library isn’t proper.
2. Make eye contact with the person, but not for more than a moment or two. Too much staring makes you look like a creep.
3. Smile if the two of you do make eye contact, but again, don’t get carried away.
4. Show off a little. This could mean walking past the person your interested in, even though they are out of your way. Or it could mean dancing well. It depends on the situation.
5. Initiate a conversation with the person if you don’t already know them. Simply introduce yourself and get their name.
6. Once you are talking, give the person your complete attention. Laugh at their jokes, listen to their stories, and don’t get distracted by what’s going on around you.
7. Compliment the person. Tell them they look nice.
8. Use playful but non-sexual touching. It helps break a “personal space” barrier.
How hard can it be? Even though I want someone back in my arms, I’m content for now.
Forgetting About Your Impossible Crush
” Get over it. Harping on what isn’t meant to be will land you into stalking/pathetic territory. Retain your pride.“
Some crazy stuff is going down. I’m really not sure of anything anymore. I’m having mood swings. And the lights I bought at Target the other day for Halloween have a broken bulb so now I have to go return them.
Yeah, the rumor is true. I’m single again. Unfortunately. Don’t ask me why….it’s really nothing big. Okay it is, but it’s not worth going into. If I want you to know what it is, I’ll tell you. I just miss her a lot.
Saying that I’m on the rebound would be an overstatement. I’m not. I’m still in the mindset that we’re going out and I guess I haven’t fully accepted the reality of it all. I’m still having crazy mood swings….some times I hate her and other times I need her. I want to give Briana the friend hug we were talking about on Friday but for some reason we wouldn’t talk to eachother. I guess I just need time.
TYA also started. TONS of new people and a larger cast. Most of them seem pretty nice, and Josh hasn’t been nearly as annoying as he usually was. We had to audition yesterday, also. Or at least do cold reads. I got to read with Tyler, which was really fun. It’d rock to lead with Tyler. We’d make a great couple…lol you know what I mean. I also had to read with Briana, which went really well because we were actually feeling what we had to read because it was going on right in front of us. But it was also really akward…
I just want things to go back to normal.
My heart is saying,
Fool forget her.
My head is saying,
Don’t let go;
Hold on to the end,
And that’s what I intend to do.
Hopelessly devoted to you…
Shadows are fallin’ all over town
Another night and these blues got me down
Oh, misery! I sure could use some company
Since he’s been gone I ain’t been the same
I carry weight like an old ball and chain
Guess its all meant to be
For love to cause me misery
Oh misery! Oh misery!
Tell me why does my heart make a fool of me
Seems its my destiny
For love to cause me misery
And, oh! I’ve been down this road before
With a passion that turns into pain
And each time I saw love walk out the door
I swore never get caught up again
But ain’t it true? It takes what it takes
And sometimes we get too smart too late
One more heartache for me
Another night of misery
Oh! And oh misery! Oh misery!
Tell me why does my heart make a fool of me
Oh misery! Oh misery!
Tell me why, why, why, why, why, why does this
heart make a fool of me
Seems its my destiny
For love to cause misery, oh
Misery
Guess its all meant to be
For love to cause me misery, oh, no, yeah
Misery
I don’t know what I said or felt last night, but it’s all changed.
You’ve offically succeeded in making me feel like crap, and I know what’s going on.
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I’ve learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it’s not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can’t possibly break
When it wasn’t even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don’t know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I’m ashamed of my life because it’s empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Everything is changing and I don’t know what to think of it. Friends are becoming rivals, rivals are suddenly becoming tolerable, and my world is being flipped upside down.
I’m moving on from Courtney. I’m done with her and all the drama that she produces. I don’t want to spend this year worrying about why Courtney is pissed at who; I don’t have extra time to waste on that kind of stuff. I’m not here to try and make peace between us. I’ve already tried that and it hasen’t worked. I’m moving on and I’m leaving all of that in the past.
With that, I have to find a new clique. I’ve been hanging out more and more with Cierra and we’re becoming better friends, but the same is true with Becky. If it comes down to who I’m going to hang out with, I’d ultimately like it tob e Cierra, but, unfortunately, sometimes it seems like I don’t have the power to make those decisions anymore.
Some people are just….changing. For the worse and for the better. Tons of people have become much easier to tolerate and I enjoy their company and I like hanging out with them. For others, it’s just the opposite. People who I thought were cool are now just big braggy know-it-alls.
I’m excited for TYA because I’ll have something to do that can get all my drama from school off of my mind. I’ll get to see a lot of my well-loved and much-missed friends again, and then there’s….you get the point.
All in all, I’m gonna need some time to adjust.