it must be the madness

Well, I was cast in the play. As the police inspector.

I know I should be excited that I was cast, being a freshman, and that most often that doesn’t happen…but I’m not. I feel weird…it’s like something is wrong, ya know? Like there’s something…missing.

I came home feeling totally crappy and nasty, and I basically slept away the afternoon, listening to sad, depressing music. Which is not something I do. I feel really bad and wrong and gross. Not like I’m sick, but like…I’m depressed or something.

I guess one thing that’s really bugging me is the fact that everybody is so amazed that a freshman got into the show. Um, excuse me, is there some kind of rule saying you have to be an upperclassman to get cast? Or to at least get a good part? Was that some requirement I wasn’t informed of? Something I’m missing?! Being amazed that a freshman got into the play is crap; you should get in based on your ability, not your grade. If a senior and a sophmore both want the same part, and they have similar ability levels, the person who deserves the part should get it, NOT the senior “just because”. That’s garbage.

That felt good to get out of me. But, be warned, if you tell me “WOW! Considering you’re a freshman, this is amazing!” one more time, I’m probably going to sock you. Right on your nose. You’ve been warned.

[/rant]

But congrats to everyone else who got in.

My skin doesn’t fit
My words seem so hollow
I feel like a fraud
And that’s a bitter pill to swallow

Sometimes it hits me right between the eyes
Everyone can see through my disguise

Who am I fooling
I’m just a smiling face
In a make-believe world
Who am I fooling
I’m just a wannabe
So easy to replace

All alone in the mirror
All alone on the shelf
I’m trying to hold on
To a little piece of myself

Doesn’t anybody realize
Even I don’t buy my own disguise

Who am I fooling
I’m just a smiling face
In a make-believe world
Who am I fooling
I’m just a wannabe
So easy to replace

There’s a part of me that’s fighting back
There’s a part of me that knows
When I’m pouring out my heart
I’m still putting on a show

Thank you, Alexz Johnson.? Pouring out my heart.